30 Jun 9 Different Ideas If you can’t pay for a Funeral
“We don’t have the money to pay for a funeral. What do we do?”
These situations are never easy, but here are some tips to consider when handling a request for funeral assistance.
Before anything else, it’s important to recognize that this is a common problem. In the United States, funerals are very expensive.
The burdens of medical care may have already depleted family finances.
It’s not something to be ashamed of.
Hospice professionals are used to these questions, and helping the family face stress after a death is part of the job of providing total family support.
In hospice the unit of care is the family, and facing financial facts is part of the family dynamic.
Here’s my list of questions to ask. If you don’t get what you need from one source, try another.
Here are 9 Different Ideas If you can’t pay for a Funeral:
Was anything planned in advance?
Funerals take time to arrange.
If death is expected you or a family friend can do a lot of research up front.
Anything you do to reduce the need to make decisions in a hurry usually results in a better outcome.
If you talk about funerals with family members ahead of time, nine times out of ten people express a desire to go with a simple, respectful, and low-cost scenario.
Having a conversation in advance can be a be help to the survivors, who sometimes overspend due to feelings of guilt, or just because they haven’t considered all the options.
Advance planning can be as simple as discussing wishes or as detailed as paying in advance for merchandise and services. Sometimes people ask for funeral assistance after they have already signed a funeral contract, which is the wrong time to be asking for advice..
Is there a family friend who can take charge of the financial planning for the funeral?
Before you start calling, consider who should do the footwork.
Try to get somebody who is not already overwhelmed with caregiving to do the shopping.
Immediately after a death the family and close friends are emotionally in no condition to haggle over prices.
This is the perfect time to enlist help from a detached friend who can comparison shop and help make rational spending decisions.
If that’s not possible at least take a friend with you before you sign anything.
Can you get a social worker involved?
You may be eligible for social work services from more than one agency.
If hospice care was being provided at the time of death, the first thing to do is to contact the social worker at the hospice where the death took place.
The social worker may be able to make local referrals and guide you toward resources they know to be useful.
If the death took place in a hospital, skilled nursing facility, or other type of residential facility, or if the decedent was on public assistance, there may be a social worker available as well.
Most social workers will at least try to help, but not all have experience with this issue.
Remember, social workers can’t provide you with resources, they can only point you in the right direction so you can get the resources on your own.
Have you called your state, county, and city departments of Social Services?
In addition to calling funeral homes directly to ask about benefit sources, call the Department of Human Services in your state, county, and city to find out if there are any funeral assistance benefits offered locally.
Some localities have “indigent funeral” benefit funds and others do not. It’s best to call all three offices because the local options may vary from the state baseline.
There is no national Medicaid funeral benefit that I know of, but many states and counties do have some nominal Medicaid funeral benefit that can be paid if the decedent met certain qualifying conditions such as having been enrolled prior to the death.
If any Medicaid or local funeral benefit is available, you may need to use one of the funeral homes on an approved list.
Was the deceased a member of any organizations and religious groups?
You never can predict what these organizations offer in the way of support for members.
Since calling around can take some time, this is a good task to do in advance of need.
Some religious organizations have funeral committees of members who make a special effort to provide practical support at the time of a death.
These folks are angels on earth, and can be of great help in doing the footwork necessary to obtain benefits.
If you don’t belong to any organization, you can try to find help from non-denominational organizations in your area.
It’s difficult to say what will be available in town, but your social worker or funeral director can be helpful in getting local referrals.
Was the person a veteran?
If so, they probably are entitled to burial in a national cemetery and some other benefits such as burial honors. Call your VA office for details or check the Department of Veterans Affairs FAQ on Burials and Memorials.
In certain circumstances, a Burial Allowance is available from the Veterans Benefits Administration. For assistance call 1-800-827-1000.
Was the person a child?
Some funeral homes provide services for infants and children at reduced rates.
Don’t hesitate to ask about discounts for children. Some organizations such as Kids Wish Network have funeral assistance programs.
Does the family want burial or cremation?
This is the key question that will have the most impact on total funeral costs.
Any benefit probably will not be enough to cover the full cost of a burial, but may cover the full cost of a cremation. Cremation is much less expensive than burial.
With cremation you don’t need an expensive container or urn the cremated remains can be returned to the family in a small box at no extra charge.
Disposal of the remains can take place at little or no cost as part of a separate service.
Check local laws to be sure it’s legal to dispose of remains in the place you are considering. Disposal at sea or in a lake is popular in some areas.
There are several costs that add up when you have a burial. Expensive items include the cemetery plot, the vault or grave liner, the casket, the grave marker, and embalming.
The Cost of a funeral in the USA
These cost are unlikely to be fully covered by any public funeral benefit.
- Buying a cemetery plot is similar to any other real estate transaction. Think location, location, location. Prices vary a lot depending on which cemetery you use, and what part of the land is used. Does the great view really matter? Call several cemeteries and get price ranges. The cemetery probably won’t give you a loan to buy a plot, so you need to come up with cash. There is also a secondary market for plots that may be worth looking into. Sometimes people buy a plot and then move away divorce, or have other family changes and can’t use the plot themselves. Some of these plots wind up on the market with independent cemetery brokers, or for sale directly by the owners. (Yes, you can buy a FSBO cemetery plot.) There isn’t much of a foreclosure market on plots, so prices haven’t fallen in line with home values, however.
- The casket can be a big-ticket item. Low-cost burial containers can look just as good as a fancy casket and make little or no difference to the long-term preservation of the body. A cardboard cremation container with a flag or beautiful cloth draped over it can look just as beautiful as any other funeral arrangement. If you have chosen cremation, this is certainly the best way to go. You can buy caskets from wholesale suppliers, but be aware that some funeral directors may resist this practice. Yes, you can get caskets at Costco, and no, you don’t have to buy three at a time. Expedited shipping is available.
- If you bury a body in the ground, some cemeteries require that the coffin be placed inside another more solid solid box to keep the ground from sinking. This “outer burial container” may cost as much or more than the coffin itself. Ask for specific line item prices for this accessory. A “grave liner” will probably be cheaper than a “vault”, and neither will really protect the body from decomposition in the long run. Remember that some cemeteries don’t require anything at all (see “green” options, below).
- The grave must be marked with a headstone or other type of grave marker. What you can use is regulated by the cemetery you choose. Most contemporary gravesites use markers that are flush with the ground and have a limited range of design options. Above-ground raised markers (the typical “gravestones”) can be quite expensive.
- It’s cheaper to have a closed-casket funeral, or a memorial service later with no body present. Embalming and restoration are skilled services that need to appear as line items on your funeral bill. Embalming is generally not a legal requirement for a funeral but may be required to have an open casket viewing in some states.
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